That's a wrap!

Continuing with my tradition of reviewing the previous year before making my predictions and resolutions for the upcoming year I am writing this blog whilst the Firefly naps. I have 15 minutes tops so please no judging. I found, "A Look Back" by CBS that talks of news events that I either wasn't aware of or didn't care about and I thought it might be fun for a Jen Stone view on past events while I also skim through our year. Luckily our year was uneventful for once in the drama department so all of our news was happy and fun! Oh shoot 14 minutes okay here we go.

And I was HIGH......

January - Lance Armstrong announces he used drugs. An old friend pulled me aside at the bar one night to ask me, "Why would they take away his medals because he still landed on the moon no matter what drugs he took to get there?". See, what I deal with sometimes? Jen Stone says: Who cares he rode a bike fast, he has one nut, he won some medals, he took some steroids, he lost his ball I think we can cut him some slack. Want to impress me win the Tour de France on a pogo stick otherwise it's just a bunch of weirdo's in tight pants who don't even have spikes on their rims and half the time don't even seem to be pedaling, is that whole race down hill or what?!  In January, I finished up working at Target and was primarily on bed rest to keep the baby healthy and happy. Billy started his wonderful job and became our sole bread winner.

O .......bama

February - God smites Russia with a Meteor. Just teasing I believe the Aliens were throwing rocks at the Russians telling them to get their Commie asses out of space. We closed down NASA for the 80th time since I was born so Russia was the only ones left in the space race but I hear they drank a lot of vodka to get there so we should strip them of any space medals they have. You really think it was just a coincidence they are the only ones up there tinkering around and a freaking space rock lands on them?! I became a stay-at-home incubator and was bounced from specialist to specialist starting the barrage of exams and test. In the midst of this I made another cut to my cast of friends as people began making me their dramatic punching bag and I had to decide whether it was worth it to fight for them or not. I chose not to fight for them and realized that I have such an amazing supporting cast that they weren't even missed. Keeping with the theme my Lifetime Drama Movie became a Romantic Comedy! Billy went to the Wild Game Dinner with all the men! It's a Girl and we couldn't be more excited!!!!!

"Cheers Fuckers"

March - Jorge became Pope Francis I. First off, who would change a kick ass name like Jorge to Francis?! Why couldn't we have a Pope Jorge? Were they afraid he'd steal hubcaps off the cars, or make the pope-mobile a low rider? People are so racist. We had a security breach on the old blog and had to go to Level Red for a while until the crazies moved on. What was left of the whores started going on field trips all around town. Billy had his first EVER Happy St. Patrick's Day while Chesare and I became amazing DD's (on her birthday no less).

Standing on my bladder

April - Two dudes blew up the finish line in Boston. True to form the bombers received more media coverage than the victims or survivors. Way to go America! That's all I have to say about that. Billy and I went Blueberry picking, we went to a Charity dinner, had a Birthday Weekend Bash for Billy, Billy got a new phone, I started the more serious testing and the Firefly stood up in my uterus!

Damn Baby Beetus

May - So the CBS thing says, "actress Angelina Jolie revealed that she had chosen to have a double mastectomy, after learning that she carried a gene mutation greatly increasing her risk of breast cancer.". I read, "actress Angelina Somebody revealed she hadn't been getting enough attention in the past few months and began removing body parts for unnecessary reasons". I have a family history and have previously been diagnosed with heart disease you dont see me signing up for bypass surgery just for shits and giggles. Sadly, as I spent so much time at the hospital this was all over the tv's and I was forced to watch every idiotic interview with her and Jen's moronic ex-husband. I learned to quilt! Billy made an old-school book shelf and diaper shelf for the baby, Billy and I went to baby class together, we celebrated Dawn's birthday, we went to another charity dinner, I got the Baby Beetus thus adding more tests into the rotation.

I signed it!

June - Snowden leaked a bunch of intel to foreign nations and the Soviets took him in. I have some things....don't put all your eggs in one basket, don't we have a strict screening process, why do I have a sneaking suspicion he was a scapegoat to distract us from something else, why do we still get shocked when people try to blow us up when our government is so ballsy they not only spy on others they apparently spend a great deal of time and money spying on us citizens as well. In the rare occasion you actually get me to talk on the phone you will notice I like to throw out a few choice words every once in a while because I want to make sure they are listening to me. Our June flew past with trying to flip the baby (she remained breech), date nights became more of an eat-a-thon as I became larger, we did A LOT of swimming, Billy had an amazing Father's Day, Bruiser and I had an amazing birthday party, I had a list of crazy wive's tales on how to flip a baby and we created some superstitions of our own, we had our Maternity Photo Shoot with the inspiring and talented Sandy, we finished the nursery and I signed the baby's eviction notice.

Finally She's Here!

July - Prince William and Princess Kate had a baby, excitement level 8. Jen Stone and Billy had a baby, Excitement level 10! Our princess fought her way into our arms and for three days I only released her when visitors arrived or the nurses made me. We became a very strong and extremely joyous family with our new bundle. She went to meet the whores, she went to Hooters, she went to the Tiki, Bruiser ate some Beetus medication, and I stopped sleeping. Riley's one year anniversary was a doozy.

Billy picked the luau theme

August - Apparently there was a civil war in Syria and they used graphic photographs. I had a newborn I didn't know what was going on in my house let alone in the world. The Firefly became Bruiser's favorite toy, we had a huge party to celebrate the Princess and a bunch of people came to show their support, Bruiser lost his balls, I started working from home, we went to Miss Cayden's baby shower and the Firefly had her first social smile, the baby went to her first Gator Game!!!!

Mitchel B with his new baby girl

September - A gunman killed 12 at a Navy Yard near the Capitol. It was sad, it was tragic, it was unbelievably overlooked because they weren't children. Cayden Olivia was born!!!!! I was honored to be at the hospital with one of our other Best Friends, Greg. Together we watched the excitement and love as four different families came together in extreme elation to welcome their newest member. Billy sent me an edible arrangement because I am an awesome wife, Ducks Unlimited was fun and we put Mitchel B to work, Billy took the baby swimming and she loved it, the baby endured some tests and passed, Billy shot guns with the family for the first time and nailed the bullseye. 

So much fun!

October - The Government shut down and who was affected? Why the poor of course. Otherwise it wouldn't have happened. We moved Dawn....again! Celebrated our 1 year anniversary with some amazing food, cleavage, and fun times with great friends. Papa Bill became the greatest kid-sitter, whether it be Bruiser or the Baby. We had the baby's 3 month photo shoot with Sandy. We went to Odessa to hang with old friends, I became famous on Pinterest for three days, I got another job, and Bruiser Boy had his first fight. I perfected my sewing skills as I created Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf for your Halloweening pleasure and we fell in love with Dawn's new place while Trick-or-Treating. 

Billy's turkey

November - Illinois and Hawaii become the 15th and 16th States to legalize same-sex marriage, making them the 15th and 16th smartest States across the Nation. Finally, Gays can have a destination wedding too!!! I see no reason to prevent anyone from getting married and firmly believe we are all equal and find it down right abhorrent that two women who have been faithful and loving to each other for years cannot be legally wed in the State of Florida but it's fine for an adulterating mother of three to marry not for love but for some sadistic vengeance! Go ahead and throw your religious beliefs at me, both couples are going to burn for their sins anyway, right? So, why not let them both marry and live in Purgatory for a while. Rant is over! I started my new job and the Firefly started school! Firefly became sick within days and we spent the month trying to keep her healthy and happy while becoming a dual income family and still mustering the energy for Mommy-Daddy date nights! Despite being ill the baby learns to belly-laugh and Bruiser is without a doubt her favorite person in the world and gets more smiles and laughs than anyone. I perfect the art of tu-tu making! Billy perfects his cooking skills as we celebrate two Thanksgivings! The first with my family and the second with Dawn, Tyler, Caiden (boy kid), and Papa Bill, at which, Billy made a bacon wrapped turkey. 

This just cracked me up!

December - Yet another school shooting but it's okay the Nation didn't care because it was a high school kid at a high school. The Santa Tracker program that I have known and used since Cole was two became incredibly popular this year. The Elf on the Shelf became either perverted or incredibly boring. We celebrated Riley's "birth"day on the 15th. We threw as much Yule-Tide joy as we could at our teeny baby without scaring her too much and at one of our weekly bonfires Billy exclaimed it was his favorite Christmas by far and I would have to agree with him. Being with our loved ones, our children, our best of friends and each other was a true blessing and perfect way to end the year.

As a recap and a glimpse back at 2013 compared to 2012 we had an amazing time. Hardly anyone died compared to the year of death that was 2012, we cut ties with all of the negativity and really enjoyed our lives, we ventured out into the world exploring and finding new sources of entertainment, we became successfully employed and are both looking at advancements in the future, we were blessed with a gorgeous and vibrant daughter and love every moment spent with her, friends became best friends and best friends became family. Overall 2013 was one for the record boards and I hope to keep our good fortune, good friends, and good fires burning into the new year. Goodbye Twenty-Thirteen I'm kinda sad to see you go.

P.S. The babies woke up as I began typing May, fell back asleep and I made it to October, and I just finished on their third nap of the day. Yes, they really do nap together, am I a lucky Momma or what?!