That's a wrap!

Continuing with my tradition of reviewing the previous year before making my predictions and resolutions for the upcoming year I am writing this blog whilst the Firefly naps. I have 15 minutes tops so please no judging. I found, "A Look Back" by CBS that talks of news events that I either wasn't aware of or didn't care about and I thought it might be fun for a Jen Stone view on past events while I also skim through our year. Luckily our year was uneventful for once in the drama department so all of our news was happy and fun! Oh shoot 14 minutes okay here we go.

And I was HIGH......

January - Lance Armstrong announces he used drugs. An old friend pulled me aside at the bar one night to ask me, "Why would they take away his medals because he still landed on the moon no matter what drugs he took to get there?". See, what I deal with sometimes? Jen Stone says: Who cares he rode a bike fast, he has one nut, he won some medals, he took some steroids, he lost his ball I think we can cut him some slack. Want to impress me win the Tour de France on a pogo stick otherwise it's just a bunch of weirdo's in tight pants who don't even have spikes on their rims and half the time don't even seem to be pedaling, is that whole race down hill or what?!  In January, I finished up working at Target and was primarily on bed rest to keep the baby healthy and happy. Billy started his wonderful job and became our sole bread winner.

O .......bama

February - God smites Russia with a Meteor. Just teasing I believe the Aliens were throwing rocks at the Russians telling them to get their Commie asses out of space. We closed down NASA for the 80th time since I was born so Russia was the only ones left in the space race but I hear they drank a lot of vodka to get there so we should strip them of any space medals they have. You really think it was just a coincidence they are the only ones up there tinkering around and a freaking space rock lands on them?! I became a stay-at-home incubator and was bounced from specialist to specialist starting the barrage of exams and test. In the midst of this I made another cut to my cast of friends as people began making me their dramatic punching bag and I had to decide whether it was worth it to fight for them or not. I chose not to fight for them and realized that I have such an amazing supporting cast that they weren't even missed. Keeping with the theme my Lifetime Drama Movie became a Romantic Comedy! Billy went to the Wild Game Dinner with all the men! It's a Girl and we couldn't be more excited!!!!!

"Cheers Fuckers"

March - Jorge became Pope Francis I. First off, who would change a kick ass name like Jorge to Francis?! Why couldn't we have a Pope Jorge? Were they afraid he'd steal hubcaps off the cars, or make the pope-mobile a low rider? People are so racist. We had a security breach on the old blog and had to go to Level Red for a while until the crazies moved on. What was left of the whores started going on field trips all around town. Billy had his first EVER Happy St. Patrick's Day while Chesare and I became amazing DD's (on her birthday no less).

Standing on my bladder

April - Two dudes blew up the finish line in Boston. True to form the bombers received more media coverage than the victims or survivors. Way to go America! That's all I have to say about that. Billy and I went Blueberry picking, we went to a Charity dinner, had a Birthday Weekend Bash for Billy, Billy got a new phone, I started the more serious testing and the Firefly stood up in my uterus!

Damn Baby Beetus

May - So the CBS thing says, "actress Angelina Jolie revealed that she had chosen to have a double mastectomy, after learning that she carried a gene mutation greatly increasing her risk of breast cancer.". I read, "actress Angelina Somebody revealed she hadn't been getting enough attention in the past few months and began removing body parts for unnecessary reasons". I have a family history and have previously been diagnosed with heart disease you dont see me signing up for bypass surgery just for shits and giggles. Sadly, as I spent so much time at the hospital this was all over the tv's and I was forced to watch every idiotic interview with her and Jen's moronic ex-husband. I learned to quilt! Billy made an old-school book shelf and diaper shelf for the baby, Billy and I went to baby class together, we celebrated Dawn's birthday, we went to another charity dinner, I got the Baby Beetus thus adding more tests into the rotation.

I signed it!

June - Snowden leaked a bunch of intel to foreign nations and the Soviets took him in. I have some things....don't put all your eggs in one basket, don't we have a strict screening process, why do I have a sneaking suspicion he was a scapegoat to distract us from something else, why do we still get shocked when people try to blow us up when our government is so ballsy they not only spy on others they apparently spend a great deal of time and money spying on us citizens as well. In the rare occasion you actually get me to talk on the phone you will notice I like to throw out a few choice words every once in a while because I want to make sure they are listening to me. Our June flew past with trying to flip the baby (she remained breech), date nights became more of an eat-a-thon as I became larger, we did A LOT of swimming, Billy had an amazing Father's Day, Bruiser and I had an amazing birthday party, I had a list of crazy wive's tales on how to flip a baby and we created some superstitions of our own, we had our Maternity Photo Shoot with the inspiring and talented Sandy, we finished the nursery and I signed the baby's eviction notice.

Finally She's Here!

July - Prince William and Princess Kate had a baby, excitement level 8. Jen Stone and Billy had a baby, Excitement level 10! Our princess fought her way into our arms and for three days I only released her when visitors arrived or the nurses made me. We became a very strong and extremely joyous family with our new bundle. She went to meet the whores, she went to Hooters, she went to the Tiki, Bruiser ate some Beetus medication, and I stopped sleeping. Riley's one year anniversary was a doozy.

Billy picked the luau theme

August - Apparently there was a civil war in Syria and they used graphic photographs. I had a newborn I didn't know what was going on in my house let alone in the world. The Firefly became Bruiser's favorite toy, we had a huge party to celebrate the Princess and a bunch of people came to show their support, Bruiser lost his balls, I started working from home, we went to Miss Cayden's baby shower and the Firefly had her first social smile, the baby went to her first Gator Game!!!!

Mitchel B with his new baby girl

September - A gunman killed 12 at a Navy Yard near the Capitol. It was sad, it was tragic, it was unbelievably overlooked because they weren't children. Cayden Olivia was born!!!!! I was honored to be at the hospital with one of our other Best Friends, Greg. Together we watched the excitement and love as four different families came together in extreme elation to welcome their newest member. Billy sent me an edible arrangement because I am an awesome wife, Ducks Unlimited was fun and we put Mitchel B to work, Billy took the baby swimming and she loved it, the baby endured some tests and passed, Billy shot guns with the family for the first time and nailed the bullseye. 

So much fun!

October - The Government shut down and who was affected? Why the poor of course. Otherwise it wouldn't have happened. We moved Dawn....again! Celebrated our 1 year anniversary with some amazing food, cleavage, and fun times with great friends. Papa Bill became the greatest kid-sitter, whether it be Bruiser or the Baby. We had the baby's 3 month photo shoot with Sandy. We went to Odessa to hang with old friends, I became famous on Pinterest for three days, I got another job, and Bruiser Boy had his first fight. I perfected my sewing skills as I created Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf for your Halloweening pleasure and we fell in love with Dawn's new place while Trick-or-Treating. 

Billy's turkey

November - Illinois and Hawaii become the 15th and 16th States to legalize same-sex marriage, making them the 15th and 16th smartest States across the Nation. Finally, Gays can have a destination wedding too!!! I see no reason to prevent anyone from getting married and firmly believe we are all equal and find it down right abhorrent that two women who have been faithful and loving to each other for years cannot be legally wed in the State of Florida but it's fine for an adulterating mother of three to marry not for love but for some sadistic vengeance! Go ahead and throw your religious beliefs at me, both couples are going to burn for their sins anyway, right? So, why not let them both marry and live in Purgatory for a while. Rant is over! I started my new job and the Firefly started school! Firefly became sick within days and we spent the month trying to keep her healthy and happy while becoming a dual income family and still mustering the energy for Mommy-Daddy date nights! Despite being ill the baby learns to belly-laugh and Bruiser is without a doubt her favorite person in the world and gets more smiles and laughs than anyone. I perfect the art of tu-tu making! Billy perfects his cooking skills as we celebrate two Thanksgivings! The first with my family and the second with Dawn, Tyler, Caiden (boy kid), and Papa Bill, at which, Billy made a bacon wrapped turkey. 

This just cracked me up!

December - Yet another school shooting but it's okay the Nation didn't care because it was a high school kid at a high school. The Santa Tracker program that I have known and used since Cole was two became incredibly popular this year. The Elf on the Shelf became either perverted or incredibly boring. We celebrated Riley's "birth"day on the 15th. We threw as much Yule-Tide joy as we could at our teeny baby without scaring her too much and at one of our weekly bonfires Billy exclaimed it was his favorite Christmas by far and I would have to agree with him. Being with our loved ones, our children, our best of friends and each other was a true blessing and perfect way to end the year.

As a recap and a glimpse back at 2013 compared to 2012 we had an amazing time. Hardly anyone died compared to the year of death that was 2012, we cut ties with all of the negativity and really enjoyed our lives, we ventured out into the world exploring and finding new sources of entertainment, we became successfully employed and are both looking at advancements in the future, we were blessed with a gorgeous and vibrant daughter and love every moment spent with her, friends became best friends and best friends became family. Overall 2013 was one for the record boards and I hope to keep our good fortune, good friends, and good fires burning into the new year. Goodbye Twenty-Thirteen I'm kinda sad to see you go.

P.S. The babies woke up as I began typing May, fell back asleep and I made it to October, and I just finished on their third nap of the day. Yes, they really do nap together, am I a lucky Momma or what?!

Teachers and Co-workers

I wanted to make the Firefly's teachers something really special. They have really taken to our little lady. They made me feel extremely comfortable about leaving my teeny baby and they always tell us how much they adore her. I know she's been sick a lot since starting school but I don't blame them and whenever I get the rare opportunity to pick her up from school they are either holding her, talking to her, or playing with her. They genuinely feel bad if she isn't feeling well and when I told them that I would have these next few weeks off from work so she wouldn't be in school they all hugged her goodbye since it would be a while before they saw her again.

I went to Old Time Pottery and purchased four cups and saucers for $1.49/each. I said I wanted to give them something special not something expensive. I hand painted each one. The saucers I just covered in some sort of decoration but each of the cups had their names on them. For example, I wrote "J is for Ms. Julia" and in fun fonts. Then Bub came to help me as I can be quite disastrous with hot materials. He melted wax, added color, added cinnamon fragrance, and dumped them into my cups. Wallah! Hand-painted, home-made, personalized, cinnamon candles for each of her teachers. I think they came out far better than I had imagined and I really hope they liked them. We haven't been back to see but I'm sure they did. Oh, and throughout the entire process my little Firefly sat in her bumbo or her high chair to assist me in our project. She even played with the paint brushes while I decorated the saucers.

For my co-workers and boss I wanted something cute and fun that I could get/make for all of them. Just the women in the office exchanged gifts and even though there's only five of us we are all vastly different. Here's what I came up with after a huge help from Pinterest!

On the top is a small gift bag with a tag that reads, "For Your Mistle'toes'!" inside was foot lotion, an emery board, and glittery nail polish. On the bottom left with the "Silent 'knit'" tag is a hand-knit scarf in different patterns and yarn for each of them to suite their individual tastes. On the right was a travel coffee mug labeled, "Drink and Be Merry" because we go through a lot of coffee at work together. Sprinkled in the rest of the box were the "Jingle Bells" (chocolate). They were fun to make, fun to personalize and even more fun to give. I think each box cost me a total of $10 which was our spending limit and I know I would have loved a gift like that. 

Gifting of all kinds

This was the Firefly's very  first Christmas. I believe in spoiling your kids for things like holidays and birthdays as long as you don't spoil them with gifts throughout the year and as long as you (as a parent) teach them what it means to give to others as well as to receive. We are trying our best to implement this and since our little girl has no clue what Christmas means or what gifts are we decided to spend this holiday season setting in motion all of the traditions and beliefs we want to instill in her.
To begin we will start with the documenting of her first Christmas. We had several photo shoots! The first was at school and we dressed her in her adorable blue knit dress. She apparently was a little star for the photographer, smiling in all the photos. The morning of the shoot I found a form that asked if we would give permission for the photographer to use the Firefly's pictures if she was chosen to be in an ad. We signed it laughing and joking about the odds. Well, about a week before we received her photos I received notice that her picture was indeed chosen and our teeny Firefly was going to be in the ad for KG Custom Portraits. When I arrived at her day care the following day to drop her off there was a photo of her on the door leading in and again I laughed at our miniature model. Of course we had to purchase the $100 photo package when the time came because she's just that adorable. Our second photo shoot was completed by our very good friend and extremely talented Sandy. She has the patience of a Saint when it comes to my family. We change outfits, change backgrounds, change locations, change everything we can at least 10 times throughout our "one-hour" session. She takes phenomenal photos and although the daycare ones were adorable they don't hold a candle to the fun, spirited, photos from Sandy's Collection. I love when Sandy comes over. We all laugh as we come up with the strangest ideas for the baby and every single time someone tries to hang her in something or from something to which the others always quickly vote against. We laugh as the Puppy poses himself or becomes frantic with jealousy when only the baby is getting photographed. The only trouble with photos from Sandy is you will find it damn difficult to get a frame to match the adorableness. I have about six photos that I want framed to decorate our house with next year and after looking all over the place I didn't find a single frame. I think I might just make them wall canvas' or buy "Plain Jane" frames and sparkly matte's. I guess I have an entire year to figure that out though! She also had two separate photos with Santa, one at the school and one at the annual Santa night (a block party in downtown with hay rides, bonfire, booze, and obviously Santa). The school one she has her, "don't patronize me" face on and I haven't seen how the Santa Night one has come out but we basically woke her up for it so I don't have high expectations.

The other traditions we decided to initiate as her first year were making Gingerbread houses with Daddy, baking sugar and spritz cookies with Mommy, she had her own tree in her room complete with a sugar plum star, and she wore Christmas jammies every night. I sewed stockings for all of us. We purchased all the classic movies and books and for weeks she spent her time being read stories or watching shows like, The Muppets Christmas Carol.
We sat together and made gifts for her teachers. We got the 1st in a Series of a Hallmark ornament as well as Baby's First Christmas and Grandbaby's First Christmas, oh and one with her name on it (you can't have too many ornaments in my mind). She selected presents to be donated to "Toys for Tots", something I feel very strongly about. My co-workers and bosses spoiled her with clothes and toys, Santa was extremely generous, all of her Aunts, Uncles and Grandparents went crazy shopping for a baby girl and her older brother gave her lots of rattles. All in all, the Firefly had a wonderful first Christmas.
I have lots in mind to add to the few traditions we started. First, back to the Toys for Tots, my dad always had my brother and I ring the bell for the Salvation Army and we always bought gifts to donate to less fortunate families. Through his Rotary Club we adopted a family and would purchase toys and clothes for the children and the parents would get Christmas dinner among other things. They don't seem to do that as sincerely as they had when I was a child. I decided the Firefly will pick out presents each year that she knows will be given to someone else. I hope it will not only instill a sense of giving in her but will also make her appreciate what she has been given. So, we will definitely be continuing with that year after year. The second "giving" I hope to do next year (I didn't hear about it until after Christmas) is donating in her name. By this I mean giving to All Children's, adopting an animal at the zoo, giving to a different charity, something that we do for her each year. We will give her the gift of giving to someone else. I hope that will teach her how to be honorable, loving, and generous to others, the fact that one of her gifts each year will actually be a gift to someone else from her. We will most likely stick with donating to animals for now because she LOVES animals, mostly monkeys and dogs. The third "giving" which is on the schedule I just couldn't get in until after the holidays is we are starting a savings account and an investment account for her. We plan to put money in monthly but at the end of the year we are going to make some larger deposits for Christmas. This will of course be her money to do with as she pleases later in life.

The other traditions that we as a family and as a wife to my husband decided to create, carry on and steal were set in to motion this year. First, the kids and I got Bub a new nutcracker. He had a collection of them that somehow became "lost" among anything else that was important to him in our move to sanity. So, since he loves them and since we've all began our new lives together what better way to start the holidays than giving him his own tradition back. Second, we went to the Charlie Daniels' Concert. Bub had never been to a concert and I couldn't think of a better one to be his first. We had our own table with our Best Friend, we spent the entire night hanging with the infamous crew from Deadliest Catch, we were ten feet from the stage (so close the glare from the lights made it almost impossible to get good pictures), and it was all for charity! I couldn't have planned it any better if I had tried. That concert with the Angelus County Christmas Pageant to follow are definitely traditions that we will continue in our upcoming years. We were unable to attend the Pageant this year because the Firefly had a cold every weekend it was open and the last thing I wanted to do was give the Angelus kids a cold right before Christmas. Bub and I went shopping together for our children and we've done this every year for three years. It's nice to get out together and spend our hard earned money shopping for our little ones, treating ourselves to dinner, and sneaking the gifts inside to wrap. I love shopping with him and we have so much fun finding things for the kids. We had fondue with the family for Christmas Eve, a tradition my family has had since I was little. Then, we opened our pajamas that we all get each year (Santa won't come unless you are in new PJ's). Christmas morning we all opened our stockings and gifts to each other before my siblings arrived to begin opening all of the presents. We had dinner with those who stayed, made a quick stop to let Trixie out for Stu and we headed over to our BFF's house for some Holiday Spirits!
Having her at Christmas was a blessing in itself and I loved how eager she was to help unwrap all the gifts, how she smiled at everyone and Called the Pterodactyls (when she screams her high pitched yell) when the room got a little loud. She was fun to cuddle with and watch The Grinch. Her wonder at the tube of icing and her father's almost disastrous forgetfulness as she grabbed it and brought it straight towards the two of them brought a smile to my face. After everything my husband and I have been through it is miraculous how happy one teeny 12 pound ball of chubby cheeks, brown hair, and thunder thighs can make everyone. Nothing else in the world matters when you hold her. Even though Bub got an iPad, tools, torches, and clothes and I myself received a laptop, scrapbooking, and a breakfast sandwich maker (Hell Yeah!) I think we'd both agree with her shirt.

Homework?!

On Thursday my husband and I picked up the Firefly from school together. We were handed a piece of paper with a stocking drawn on it and a note that said, "We encourage families to work with their child to create a fun or silly creation on the attached template. Cut out the outlined shape, decorate it and please return to school by Monday, December 9th.". She's five months old and we already have homework? These people are crazy and I love it! For days we contemplated just how are we going to decorate this paper stocking. Then, inspiration and Pinterest smacked me in the face and I came up with a very Bright idea. These people had used their child's thumbprints to create Christmas lights on a canvas. Why not do the same with her fingerprints on the stocking and that way it's not just the parental figures creating a masterpiece. So, like all red-blooded Americans we allowed the Firefly to help us, in part, with her homework.

My husband is a pro at fingerprinting infants

Carefully, with baby in my arms I cut out the stocking. Using red paint for the body and sparkly white for the cuff I painted the shape. Time for the baby's artistic contribution! Gingerly I dipped my darling daughters teeny index in yellow paint, she instantly curled her fingers around my hand and now the back of my hand is covered in yellow. I assist her in placing the first small circle onto the stocking and our battle began as she insisted on bending her finger and I tried not to snap it off we were able to get one more "light" printed on our canvas, as my husband laughed at our attempts. I began explaining to him, very sweetly, that our project is becoming a disaster and BLAM! the baby takes her tiny hand and grabs a fistful of hair. Although yellow looks very pretty on my black haired beauty I was in a fit of hysterics. I laughed for at least 5 minutes and my husband giggled while taking the baby from me to show me the proper way to create an artistic masterpiece with an infant. Of course, he succeeded where I had not and the rest of the "lights" went from fingertip to paper with effortless ease.

All the "lights" done

Once the paint had dried my husband painted on the cords, thus, making the chaotic polka dots into a lovely string of lights.

Creating the string of lights

 I painted on her name and we finished off by gluing some yarn as an outline. I love it and hope the school returns it to us (mostly so I don't have to attempt a recreation).

Finished product

After Note: The baby was bathed and all paint removed from her locks!